buying-guides
Sex Toys for Couples: Where to Start and What Actually Works
2 November 2023 · 6 min read
Introducing sex toys into a relationship is straightforward when approached well and unnecessarily fraught when approached poorly. Most of the difficulty comes from the conversation, not the toys — so this guide addresses both.
The Conversation First
The most common way couples end up with sex toys that don't get used is one person surprising the other. Surprises don't work well here — a toy presented as a gift without prior discussion can feel like a criticism of the existing sex life, regardless of intent.
A better approach: bring it up genuinely. "I've been curious about trying [category] together — what do you think?" is a more effective starting point than a surprise purchase. If your partner is interested, you can choose together, which also means you're both invested in it working.
Common concerns worth addressing if they come up: "Does this mean I'm not enough?" — toys are additions to partnered sex, not replacements. "Is it weird to use this together?" — used by an enormous number of couples, completely normal. "Will it be embarrassing to try?" — probably, briefly, in the way most new things are. This is fine.
What Actually Works for Couples
Vibrating Cock Ring
One of the most consistently effective couples toys. Worn around the base of the penis (or penis and scrotum) during penetrative sex, a vibrating ring stimulates the penis with vibration and positions the vibrating motor against a partner's clitoris during sex. Both partners benefit simultaneously without any repositioning.
Cost-effective (£10–30 for a basic version), simple to use, and works without requiring either person to hold or operate a separate device. The right starting point for most couples.
Bullet Vibrator for External Stimulation
A small, handheld bullet vibrator used for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex or as part of foreplay. The compact size means it fits between bodies comfortably, unlike larger vibrators. Excellent for vulva-owning partners who find it easier to orgasm with clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex.
Couples Vibrators (We-Vibe Style)
C-shaped devices designed to be worn during penetrative sex, with one arm inside the vagina and one pressed against the clitoris. When fitted correctly, both the wearer and the penetrating partner feel vibration during sex. The fit is anatomy-dependent (see the dedicated guide) but works very well for couples it suits.
More expensive than a ring or bullet (typically £100+) but provides more simultaneous stimulation for both partners.
Massage and Warming Products
Not electronic — massage candles, warming lube, and body oils are accessible, affordable, and require no prior experience. A good starting point if you want to add something new without the complexity of powered toys.
What Tends Not to Work as a First Couples Toy
Rabbit vibrators — designed primarily for solo use. The fixed geometry rarely aligns with partnered positions.
Very large dildos — size needs to be right for the receiving partner, and this usually requires more solo experience to establish than a first couples purchase allows.
Anything requiring both hands to operate — leaves no hands free for other things.
Complex app-connected toys on the first try — adding technology learning to an already new experience creates more friction.
A Simple Start
For most couples: start with a vibrating cock ring for £15–25. It's inexpensive enough that it doesn't feel like a commitment, simple enough that there's no learning curve, and effective enough for most people to find the value immediately.
See also: Best Couples Vibrators, We-Vibe Complete Guide, Cock Ring: How They Work
