buying-guides
Flexible vs Firm Dildos: How Firmness Affects the Experience
29 November 2023 · 5 min read
Firmness is one of the most influential specs in how a dildo feels, and it's rarely given adequate attention in product descriptions. Most listings mention material but not how firm that material is — which matters because "silicone" spans an enormous range from almost liquid-soft to close to rigid. Here's what to look for.
The Shore Hardness Scale
Rubber and elastomers are measured for firmness using the Shore durometer scale. For sex toys, the relevant scale is Shore A (softer materials). The scale runs from 0 (softest, like a gel) to approximately 100 (rigid, like a hard hat).
In practice, most sex toy silicone falls in the Shore A 15–50 range:
Shore A 10–20 — very soft. Squishes easily, significant flex over the whole toy. Some customers find this most comfortable; others find it too floppy to position effectively.
Shore A 20–30 — soft to medium-soft. The most popular range for general use silicone toys. Good balance of comfort and firmness. Bends under pressure but returns to shape.
Shore A 30–40 — medium to medium-firm. Common for G-spot toys and dual-density toys. Enough firmness to apply meaningful pressure; still has some give.
Shore A 40–60 — firm. Used in toys designed specifically for pressure stimulation (G-spot, P-spot). Little flex; feels much more substantial. Can be uncomfortable if not the right size.
Few manufacturers publish Shore A ratings, but some (Bad Dragon, Uberrime, New York Toy Collective) offer "soft," "medium," and "firm" options on made-to-order items, which typically correspond roughly to the ranges above.
How Firmness Affects Sensation
Softer firmness:
- More comfortable for larger dimensions (the toy can compress and yield)
- Less pressure delivered at any given size (the softness absorbs some of the pressure)
- More forgiving for anatomy that's sensitive or irregular
- Better for anal use at larger sizes
- Less effective for G-spot targeting (needs some firmness to push against the anterior wall)
Firmer firmness:
- More pressure at the same size (more sensation)
- More effective for G-spot and P-spot contact
- Stays in shape during use (doesn't buckle during thrusting)
- Better for harness use (transfers thrust more directly)
- Can be less comfortable at larger diameters
What This Means in Practice
If you're buying for G-spot stimulation: choose medium-firm or firm. The pressure against the anterior wall is what creates the sensation; a very soft toy at the same size delivers less of it.
If you're buying at a larger diameter or starting with a new size: choose softer. The additional give makes the size more manageable.
If you're buying for harness use: choose medium to firm. Very flexible toys buckle during thrusting when the wearer doesn't have direct sensation feedback.
If you're buying a fantasy toy (typically larger): soft is often the practical choice at significant sizes.
Glass and Metal: The Firm End
Glass (borosilicate) and stainless steel are the firmest available materials — completely rigid with zero flex. This makes them ideal for precision G-spot or P-spot stimulation, where the pressure can be exactly where you position it. The firmness requires confidence about the size and position before use; there's no "squeeze a bit softer" as there is with silicone. Temperature play (warming or cooling) is an additional feature of both materials.
See also: Dildo Size Guide, Silicone vs TPE Material Guide, G-Spot Vibrator Guide
