buying-guides
How to Buy a Sex Toy as a Gift for Your Partner
23 July 2023 · 6 min read
Buying a sex toy as a gift for a partner is a genuinely thoughtful gesture — but it's also one of the easier gift categories to get wrong. The difference between a gift that lands well and one that doesn't often comes down to a few decisions made before you order anything. Here's how to approach it.
The Communication Question
The most important decision is whether to buy this without telling your partner first, or to make it a joint choice.
For established couples with an existing conversation about intimacy and what each person likes, a well-chosen gift can land well. For newer relationships, or if you haven't discussed sex toys together before, buying without any communication is a higher-risk approach — not because the gesture is wrong, but because a gift in this category carries implicit messages about your expectations, and those messages are worth being deliberate about.
A middle path many people find works well: bring up the topic conversationally first ("I was thinking about getting something we could try together — is that something you'd be interested in?"), then buy based on what you learn from that conversation. This doesn't ruin the gift element — it makes the actual purchase more likely to be something they'll enjoy.
If you're confident you know your partner's preferences well, buying without asking is a reasonable choice. Read on for the categories most likely to succeed.
What's Safe to Choose Without Asking
Some categories are much lower risk as gifts than others because they're either externally used, involve both partners, or are unlikely to miss on fit.
External vibrators — bullet vibrators, wand massagers, and air-pulse toys used externally have no fit considerations. A well-reviewed bullet at a reputable brand is almost universally usable and doesn't require knowledge of your partner's anatomy or preferences beyond "they have a vulva."
Vibrating cock rings — a couples toy that's relatively easy to size (most are stretchy and fit a wide range) and benefits both partners. Lower risk than individual toys. See Cock Rings: How They Work for sizing details.
Couples vibrators designed for use together — products like the We-Vibe Sync or similar worn-during-sex vibrators are explicitly designed for both partners and signal the gift is about shared pleasure.
Massage products — massage candles, massage oils, and body-safe massage tools sit adjacent to the sex toy category and carry less implicit pressure. These are a very safe choice if you're uncertain.
What to avoid for gifts: insertable dildos (unless you have very specific and confirmed knowledge of size preferences), anything that implies a specific kink or interest you haven't discussed, and anything where size is a critical spec you'd have to guess.
Sizing Considerations
If you do choose an insertable product, size matters more than most gift-buyers realise. Girth in particular is a more sensitive spec than length — something too wide is uncomfortable, and too narrow can be unsatisfying. If you haven't had a direct conversation about size preferences, this is the area where guessing is most likely to produce a miss.
For partners who are newer to penetrative sex toys, starting smaller is almost always right. The guidance in Dildo Size for Beginners applies: a medium insertable length (around 12–13cm) and modest girth (2.5–3.5cm diameter) is more likely to be a good starting point than anything larger.
Material: The One Non-Negotiable
Whatever you buy, check that it's made from body-safe materials — silicone, ABS plastic, glass, or stainless steel. Products made from jelly, PVC, or unspecified "real feel" blends are not appropriate gifts. Beyond the health considerations, a porous toy that develops an odour or degrades is not a good gift experience.
A reputable retailer (Lovehoney, SheVibe, We-Vibe directly, or similar) is a reliable shortcut here — they don't stock the problematic materials category. See What 'Body-Safe' Actually Means for the full detail.
Packaging and Presentation
Premium sex toys from brands like LELO, We-Vibe, and Womanizer come in packaging that's genuinely gift-ready — the unboxing experience is comparable to a luxury cosmetics or technology purchase. If you're buying at this end of the market, the packaging does some of the presentation work for you.
At more modest price points, consider placing the product in a nice bag or box of your own — the original packaging is usually clean and minimal but adding your own presentation layer makes the gift feel more considered.
Including a handwritten note about why you chose it — what you're hoping to experience together, or something warm and specific — makes any gift better and is particularly important in this category, where the subtext of what you're saying matters.
Receipt and Return Policy
Before buying, check the return policy. Most reputable sex toy retailers have clear policies: unopened items can be returned; opened items generally cannot (for hygiene reasons). Keeping a gift receipt or noting the return window gives your partner an easy way to swap if needed without awkwardness.
Lovehoney has one of the more generous policies in the category — worth knowing if this is a concern.
One Final Note
A sex toy given as a gift works best when it's presented as something for both of you, or clearly for them, depending on the product — not as a hint that something is missing. The framing matters as much as the product. A gift that says "I thought this looked fun and wanted to try it with you" lands very differently from one that arrives without any context.
Get the framing right, buy from a reputable retailer, check the material, and you'll have made a genuinely good choice.
See also: Sex Toys for Couples — Beginners, How to Buy Sex Toys Discreetly, Vibrator Buying Guide
